-Is it so hard to want for better? I feel like I have been trying and trying...I dont know why I feel overwhelmed lately-I mean I know one thing-bankruptcy-which is scary. But what is even scarier, is the letters and phone calls constantly hounding me.
I had to reschedule with the lawyer for next week, and I have been calling the collectors to inform them of the situation. So I am attempting to follow through with everything in the proper way.
-I just want a normal life again, and i want to feel like I will be somebody better after this is all done. I feel like it just takes the life away from me, almost like the looking-over-your-shoulder feeling. Like at any moment someone will come and take your life away(in court).
Aside from all of this, I had a lovely three day weekend. Thursday i went to see Rancid at Summerfest. Bumped into Kate for the first time in awhile, all was calm and civil and we did some catching up. Later my freind Karen asked me if it was weird to see her, and I told her not at all. Yes the first few months last year were hard, and we did not speak for some time. But we have moved foward in our lives, and I want us to remain freinds. Besides- it was Jay that found her in the front while he was looking for people he would know-I came back from a trip to the restroom to see him and Kate talking and hanging out, and we all talked and had a good time.
-Friday I just stayed home and did nothing.
Saturday was better, I got paid, so I went to the bank. Met my freind(and hopeful future roommate Sarah) down at the Downtown bookstore. We did a little shopping(I bought some VHS tapes and a book for Jay, she got a top at Rainbow), then we went apartment shopping together...we called a few places, and one place Sarah is going to be looking at today. We then ended the day eating Chinese food and drinking PBRs while watching Dukes of Hazard(the movie). I fell asleep at 845.
As for this week...lots of phone calls, hopefully meeting with the lawyer this week...we shall see which way the road turns.